Sometimes you have to know when to give up on life, and this seems like one of those times. I've spent my whole life trying hard at everything I do.

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Sometimes you have to know when to give up on life, and this seems like one of those times.

I’ve spent my whole life trying hard at everything I do. Studying, exercising, trying to be a good friend, partner, child, person… But despite all my efforts, it seems that everything always goes wrong in the end.

I studied music at the conservatory. What good is that doing me now? Nothing. I’ve obtained official certificates in several languages. What good are they doing me? Nothing. I’ve completed a degree and a master’s degree. Am I finding work (literally anything)? No. I exercise and eat well to stay strong and healthy. Have I been sick for more than two weeks? You didn’t expect this, but I’m going to say yes.

There are so many questions that, when I ask myself, the answer is contrary to the effort I put into answering them that I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to just give up, stop studying, stop looking for work, eat whatever I want and not lift a finger. Not to strive to be ethically good to myself, not to argue with people about my beliefs, not to worry about anyone but myself.

After all, what good has it done me all this time?

New Confession

.•♫•♬• 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥. 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. 𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥. •♬•♫•.

So I was watching Jeopardy! yesterday while cutting out New Yorker comic strips.(because why not) One of them reminded me of this woman who somehow knew who she was going to marry and who her friends would be at her wedding.

My dad and I started talking about it, and he said, “It would be funny if we did that—like, have you name a bunch of people.” Then he started listing only boys’ names, which honestly annoyed me.

It reminded me of when I was little and you would always say, “One day, when you get married to a boy or a girl…” which I always appreciated because it never assumed who I’d end up with. So it kind of pissed me off that my dad immediately only came up with boys’ names, especially when you always made a point not to make assumptions like that.So I was watching jeopardy yesterday while cutting out new yorkers commic strpps. one of them remined me of this lady who new who she was going to marry and who her friends would be at her wedding. me and my dad started talking about it and he was like ” it would be funny if we did that like make you say a bunch of names *starts naming only boys names” Like when I was little you would always be like one day when you get married to a boy or Girl.

like dad maybe I’m biiiii????

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In college, I was always afraid of getting a girl pregnant, so I never had s** with any of my dates. I wanted the girl to be someone that I wanted to marry if by chance they got pregnant. The spring of senior year I started dating a woman that I found that I wanted to spend my life with her. I called her a woman not a girl since she told me that she had s** with six guys. I decided that even though other guys had fucked her, I wanted her to be my wife. She asked me if I had s** with any other women and I told her that I had and the same number as her, six.
I had lied and when we had s**, I lost my virginity to her, a woman that had already fucked six guys. I have never told her the truth, that I was a virgin and I have only had s** with her.