my partner is very ill. has been ever since we got together. i didnt anticipate falling in love so deeply, nor did i anticipate having to take care of

3 years

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my partner is very ill. has been ever since we got together. i didnt anticipate falling in love so deeply, nor did i anticipate having to take care of them. cooking, cleaning, working for two people. im turning 25 in 12 days and i have been with my partner for 5 years. i cant do this anymore. i can barely take care of myself and i have nevwr had financial help because ny partner cant do any work. im tired. i love my partner but our relationship is so passionless. i have to go everywhere alone. i have do everything alone. i cant leave because my partner has nowhere to go expect for abusive family in a rural area. at this point im just hoping for a blood clot or aomething out of our control to end their life so i can get mine on track. and its horrible, because they deserve to life a full and happy life and be taken care of. i just cant do it. i cant. i will never make enough money and im not now. i cant keep up with all the cooking and cleaning. i cant buy food for myself because i cant afford it along with buying dinner. i struggle to keep my partner fed, i struggle to buy nessecities like clothing. cant afford medical anything. im in a bad dental emwrgency siruation but i cant do anything about it because i dont have the funds to do so. i have nobody to take care of me AND my partner during a recovery. i have no car. i have nothing. and it’s killing me that thia relationship, this person, is what’s dragging me down and killing my life and maming it impossible for me to do anything. i just cant take it anymore. i dont want this. i wish things were different ao i didnt feel this way. i love rhem with all my heart. they are my soulmate. but i wish they would die so i could finally live.

New Confession

I hate you and resent you, you never listen and only hear what you wanna hear. You like me but its only conditional and when its convenient for you. You treat me like trash just like everyone else has and walking on eggshells. Any little mistake I make, your awful to me, you’re easily possessive , controlling and get easily jealous if i so much smile at someone yet its okay for you to have friends. You don’t want me to talk to anyone else yet you push me when I want to have a conversation with you. You only halfway listen, and you wonder why I completely shut down and dead inside. I rather live and die alone than feel more alone & isolated around everyone who’ve treated me like a freak. You get mad that I don’t want to be near you yet you’ve mocked me when I was really upset and hurt. I feel trapped and stuck. Im waiting to die, I hate this non-ending cycle pathetic excuse of this life im living. I can’t even escape in my own thoughts, if a god or any other being exists and is listening, please take me away already , why do you let me live ?

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