4 years
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caring about someone but then keeping yourself with disgusting gross people that don’t measure up makes you a cowardly dog. you’re a child who can’t be alone, a non-adult. you think you’re some p****** when really we all are s*** and can act like inhumane dogs or women who dress up as prostitutes in life because they enjoy bringing the man down instead of building him up highly where he’ll really prosper. you enjoy crawling on the ground with these female lizards that people basically spit on (it’s where you belong) because inside you feel like you’re as disgusting and immoral as they are. you’re a coward who can’t keep himself near intelligence but would rather be with dense desperate harlots who look up to you of course because all they can do is wish they were intelligent enough to even be anywhere as smart as you. this is because you are coward and will never raise up higher. you are too chicken and enjoy lying with unintelligent mutants. fortunately, there are enough people who use their heads about themselves. what a s*** life would be if you were all there was. a real let down. a stagnant useless life, and quite boring. what good is it to have any gifts at all when you basically waste it by keeping yourself around swine, or robotically working hoping people see you as more then you are. luckily, all men are not lost.

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Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker