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I don’t flaunt my looks either. I like myself, I honestly would not want to be something ne else, but I do try to take care of myself and I’m not flawless either. I’m definitely not flawless, but with me, although people would say differently, they have said differently, I know I’m a likeable guy. I win over people fairly quickly, genuinely. I’ve done it countless times and not even with trying but better my myself. There’s also such a thing as energy one puts out there. It’s not all about looks but that’s also not to say I don’t have people hate me for whatever reason too. I get hated for whatever reason as much as I am liked for wherever reason.

Really though, none of it matter much to me. I guess you could say I got over it all and my brain has been dragged through the mud, hot and cold during a particular time for so long, I’ve given up believing the good or the bad and I just don’t care. I just genuinely to buy or believe anything. I pay no attention to it, it’s over my head. It doesn’t matter to me. I’ve learned it’s the least stressful way to look at things. It’s also kind of a relief to me because if it’s genuine, just on the off chance it’s genuine, that’s all I need. That’s good enough for me. It’s selfish and might hurt people, but I’m alright just knowing that I’m genuinely liked. For whatever reason. It’s all I need, but don’t ask or look for. Selfish? Yeah, maybe but I’m not intentionally leading people on I’m just indifferent. Maybe it’s that I know it will very likely turn to s*** anyway if things were to go any further so I don’t try or invest? I would rather concentrate on things that are guaranteed like work and driving the boat that is my life? I don’t feel I need anything else at this point, maybe ever?

Lol oks are one thing, but I’m also not stupid to believe they matter all that much but still, at the very least I like to take care of myself. Not be over weight, be ripped even. My face and “looks are what they are even though I’m far from perfect. I have clean, but ugly teeth. My hair ain’t what it used to be, but like I said it’s also about being confident in it and carrying ng it, owning it, and also the energy you put out. If you don’t like something, and it’s fixable, fix it. I do.

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Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker