And another thing, you are absolutely terrified of true intimacy, of being vulnerable with someone. You can’t truly open your heart. You have this “get them before they get me” mentality because of it too. So you lash out at even the smallest of hurts, which most of those are in your head anyway, because again you are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, so you can tell yourself you were right. It’s like you feel most comfortable around people and in situations, that you know, aren’t capable of that kind of connection with you and that’s why you are so freakin’ miserable. Because you really need that kind of connection with someone. Maybe you should work on that, good luck with the new distraction, maybe she’s the one because I do hope you find that.