Nowhere to talk cause I don’t want friends, family or acquaintances know how bad my ex was as I think this is not right thing to do but I need somewhere to shout this out. Ended with 8.5years old relationship. About a month before breakup, I made an online friend. No flirting, he didn’t know my gender and even called me ‘bro’. I liked the friendship and the time we spend together online. had lots of conversation and never been tired talking with him. I truly see he is a genuine and innocent man with beautiful heart. Eventually I could tell myself that I started to be interested in him but I didn’t reveal my gender before breakup. Anyway, put this guy aside, I was not happy with my relationship. my ex cheated on me so many times throughout our relationship (except 2 years before we ended it). 100% of times he was denial and even blamed that on me. I didn’t even know it really damaged me. One night, I saw his suspicious behavior. When every time he showed this, then there was something he did behind my back. I had negative feelings to see that and believed that was due to the jealousy. But soon I realized the negative feelings were just like the ‘Pablos dog experiment’. To confirm this revelation, I started to imagine what if he is having s** with a lady in front of me. I surprisingly felt fine. I felt the total freedom. I pondered 2 more days to be sure. Then I asked him to breakup. He seemed accepting and said ‘well we both didn’t love each other anyway’. Thought it was fine. On the day when we broke up