She was off limits, not just because of the taboo, but I don’t think I would have never been interested in her outside of our situation. I’d see her fat a** in those tights every day and I let my mind go there too often, and it turned into a fantasy I wanted more than anything when it was just she and I around. We laughed at little jokes and I know she saw my buldge a few times, but I would act like it wasn’t there. When I finally got more direct one day and said what I wanted, I found out that it was much more of a fantasy world in my mind, and that’s how it should have stayed.

I can’t help but wonder if she ever thinks “what if?” sometimes. However, I have my senses back and I can’t believe I allowed myself to slip into that obsession because it wasn’t worth it when I could have looked for someone who was just as interested as I was. I feel like I didn’t pursue that because of laziness. I’d like to say I learned my lesson, but I feel like it’s a tendency to look out for. I’ll never s*** where I eat again 🤞