I’m jealous of the way my mom treats my brother

My brother has ADD and has experienced a panic attack lately. I was born a “perfect child” although I wasn’t meant to be born in the first place. I’ve been held to the standard that there shouldn’t be anything wrong with me. I’m expected to get all A’s, encouraged never to cry because there’s nothing in my life that I could have to cry about and I must be lying when I say Im sick or I feel sad.

I was s******* assaulted in April by a guy in my class and I was crying throughout the day. I tell my mom what happened and she says “tell the principal and I’ll talk to his mom.” Meanwhile I start having panic attacks that happened nearly every night although they eventually spread out over time. I do tell the principal and they do nothing about it except say “We gave him a hard talking to.” I ask my mom for therapy and she says she will but never does. Over the summer I have 2 panic attacks that were almost an hour long. I was hyperventilating, couldn’t control what I was saying, crying uncontrollably, had a fast heart beat, and I was shaking. The first one I go to my brother and he helps me through and the second one I go to my mom. She didn’t believe I was even having panic attacks until I went to her room in the middle of the night. Only then did I get therapy. The therapist doesn’t do in person meetings so I have a phone call with her about once a week. She completely avoided talk about my parents, s***** assault and things that were making me have panic attacks.

With this in mind my brother a couple days ago comes up to my mom and I on the couch. He’s crying and says he is having a panic attack and my mom immediately starts talking to him to try and calm him down. She shares her experiences with panic attacks, she rubs his back, she hugs him, and she talks with him and says he should probably call off sick from work that day. I didn’t get that. I didn’t get the “How did you sleep?” Or “Are you feeling better?” The next day. I got the “well his parents probably haven’t taught him any better.” And I know I should compare his panic attacks with mine because we had them about two different things but mine were way worse. He wasn’t hyperventilating. He could control what he was saying. HE WASN’T SHAKING. He was just crying. I was so angry the whole time and when I asked her why I didn’t get the same treatment and she said “Because you had no real reason to cry.”