I understand what I did. I let you fall in love with me and I thought I was in love with you but I was young. I let it go on too long and then ran away.

12 years

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I understand what I did. I let you fall in love with me and I thought I was in love with you but I was young. I let it go on too long and then ran away. Years later, too many years we reconnected. Me, with family and you with nothing but the pain of disease. I felt the reconnect but not like you. While your life was hard, mine was all-is-well. Through your voice I reverted to a time in High School and felt that old spark and I tried to keep it alive though texts and email, but I soon realized I was leading you on. My wife and children were just too important to me. I made it clear and you stopped speaking to me. A short time passed and I tried to reach out again to you but you died. I hurt that I lost you but I’m confused because I wouldn’t change how my life has worked out. I still see your face and I hear your voice and I wish I could have talked to you one more time to set things straight. You said I was the love of your life. The one who got away. How can I reconcile that I loved her but didn’t chose her?

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .