I got in the bath because I want to calm down because I'm in emotional pain. I'm still in the bath but I know this is not the place I need to be to

4 years

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I got in the bath because I want to calm down because I’m in emotional pain. I’m still in the bath but I know this is not the place I need to be to improve my life. I need to get out and do some cleaning and I need to do some reading to learn and improve my situation. It is important to chill out, but, practical action is what I need. It’s horrible that we don’t know what is best for us a lot of the time and if you do find out what is best for you it is not until you have done something bad or useless to learn that.

Even the smartest of humans are just clumsy children blundering their way through life.

New Confession

I wrote a few days ago about never being comforted by the people who I love and who claim to love me. like most confessions I make here, I often start to reevaluate after I hit submit and will eventually begin to feel more level headed about whatever dramatic confession of emotion I decided to spew. this is not one of those times. I had a procedure today- invasive and painful. i knew it wasn’t going to be comfortable, but then afterwards I got bad news from the results. yeah, as I suspected for a long time, I’ve got cancer in me. pre-cancer, anyway. but the doctor let me know today that considering how young I am and other aspects of my history, I shouldn’t have these huge pre-cancerous growths in me. and I mean huge. how often do you have a doctor look at you and go “wow, that was the largest polyp I’ve ever seen in a 24 year old.” anyway… after this, my boyfriend of 6 years drove me to our house, almost completely all in silence. go inside, no real words spoken. nothing to say about it. any of it. just flops onto the couch and tells me he has a headache. makes me make him food and tuck him into our bed because he ALWAYS flops onto the couch when we get home, and then proceeds to complain about how uncomfortable it is to sleep on it and how sore he is. he at least tells me he loves me, I suppose, but nothing else. I say “I love you more”, like I frequently do, which is supposed to prompt a “No you don’t”, and a short reason as to why HE loves ME more. this time, he just says nothing nothing. nothing nothing nothing. now I get to go upstairs, cook myself a meal after being asked not to eat for 3 days, and then sit alone in my living room with only my thoughts. these f****** thoughts. why do I never get to be the baby. why do I never get to be the one tucked. why do I never get to be the one who gets their back scratched and their hair played with until they sleep. why do I never get asked if I’m okay. it’s like I was open with a disease that makes it so that whenever I’m upset, or hurting, or crying, I give off a noxious gas that makes everybody sick. I hate it here.

Related Confessions

Older male here. I have quite a few quirks and kinks, most not s*****. One of my biggest is wetting in a diaper (no poo, gross, f*** that). The feeling of letting go and feeling the wet warmth spread is honestly a bigger head rush than any lame a** o*****. I love doing ut to the point of heavy soggy saturation where the next time is goiing to soak through my jeans and be visible and running down my legs. The truly strange part to me? If i wear one in my sleep my g e n i t a ls are so warm soft low and loose and i can sleep peacefully without erections or sez dreams. Even more so? If i dobit day in day out after a weke or so i have complettely lost bladder control. Utterly unable to not wet involuntarily and it takes a long time, usually a coypl3 of weeks, to rretrain my body to have bladder cnttrol back to the point it is safe to go without a diaper again. It is so breathless to wet in one and evven moree so when bladder control is lost because i never know when suddently i feel it happening.