I cheated on my girlfriend this morning I feel so fucking bad I feel like I’m screaming inside I’ve been so sexually starved and endless talks to fix it

4 years

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I cheated on my girlfriend this morning
I feel so f****** bad

I feel like I’m screaming inside

I’ve been so s******* starved and endless talks to fix it did nothing
I love her so f****** much how could I do this
How could I f****** do this

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I’m not racist, but I don’t like n******.

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.