The purpose of this letter is to announce my resignation, effective two weeks from this date. I’ve enjoyed the challenge of designing and deploying the 360 social business platform for the company and hope you will find the the sweat of my labor useful, especially under the hostile work conditions I suffered. I particularly enjoyed enduring the beat downs, I.. I.. I mean reviews, knowing that my doing the work of an entire agency with a budget of $45.00 was not worthy of recognition or the raise approved by the board.

I am sure you will find someone in short order to check a box on the microwave to alert the staff that they are, in fact, sitting in full view of the entire office, and can write quarterly essays on which new quality on the approved list makes them a failure as a human being, and how you can observe them working to improve that quality in their natural habitat. In fact, I put an ad on craigslist for you: Office Slave Labor Needed : Must be medicated to survive

I wish you and the friends I have made here all the best. I leave knowing the bitter, lying, raging alcoholic office manager and the misogynistic megalomanic dungeon master will, in time, rot in hell.
PS. Don’t drink the coffee.