CONT This is not me being a “narcissist” or conceited, arrogant I seriously I fixed myself practically, work, a job, goals even if they were minor, basically be responsible and work on being able to carry myself and then some, be a man, an adult which I did, I got my a** mentally kicked there too AND I tried to make myself cooler. Actually I turned up the cool. Because I always have been. I turned up to cool rather than leave it in the past, I made myself better looking, get rid of chub, not be a hulking muscle choad, but in shape. I did everything and given what we had, which was deep, I sti can’t believe it. My self esteem grew. I have ignored and past up women from my past who were very important to me from the start of life, later in life passed them up not because I didn’t like them, I loved them, they were important to me, but because I wasn’t good enough. Not low self esteem, I really wasn’t. Part of me didn’t want to ruin it. I passed. They did to, but I’m the man. It’s up to me to initiate or at least put out a vibe that I care. In this case… I can’t believe I never got me down that wall. It was definitely something serious that prevented it. Maybe I was that bad though too? BUT I really really did make big changes in myself. I knew where I was wrong in m thinking, and I truly changed it for a pronged period. While I was broken inside. So I was sorry, and she knew it. She definitely knew it. Stone wall. That fight drained me and I am still not replenished after 10 years. I have a hard exterior but the right women can get through. She got pregnant or something. It was serious. Just a man for many be one or two major reasons, not love, someone the family liked and accepted. Instead of a well balanced man such as myself. I excel where it counts. I’d still rather be me. I like me.