My degenerate alcoholic brother hated me on an elemental level, to the point where he spent his adult life slandering me with lies, making people hate me,

12 years

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My degenerate alcoholic brother hated me on an elemental level, to the point where he spent his adult life slandering me with lies, making people hate me, telling people I did things to him that I never did — I was always nice to him, always trying to be his friend, but all my efforts were met with contempt. He even provided a place at his home for my ex wife to hook up with some guy, before our divorce. He also stole from me and told my son, a child at the time, that I was a drug addict who was going to die, another lie.

One day I decided I had enough. I decided he was an enemy and I was going to treat him as such. I knew he never worked a day in his life and survived by hitting up our parents for money every month, so I went to his home and sprinkled a ton of rat food from the pet store under his house. In a few weeks, he was awash in feral rats. Then he was so freaked out, as anyone would be, he packed up and moved to Brazil, where he got an infected liver and started to bleed out from every orifice in his body.

I cried when I heard he was dead, but I felt relieved too. But I’ve always felt guilt, imagining that it was I who killed him, even though I’m still seething with rage at how he treated me all those years.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .