I fell in love with my best friend, but he doesn't love me back. I see him with other people and it kills me inside, but I don't want to lose him as a

4 years

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I fell in love with my best friend, but he doesn’t love me back. I see him with other people and it kills me inside, but I don’t want to lose him as a friend. Every time I fall in love with someone they never love me back. I’m always the friend, never the lover. My heart has been broken more times than I would like. Sometimes I think about just ending it, for there is only so much heart ache one can take.

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.