I'm going to be 18 soon,I feel guilty for reaching this age after how many times I troubled my family with multiple attempts to off myself. Everyday I

4 years

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I’m going to be 18 soon,I feel guilty for reaching this age after how many times I troubled my family with multiple attempts to off myself. Everyday I keep dreaming of the day which I would finally be successful with an attempt but look at me now, my birthday is just a few days away and guilt is eating at me.

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Thanks to my best friend Julia for unfollowing me

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I’m plagued with thoughts of r*** and homocide and I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t think I can. It feels me with immense guilt, especially when the person that I’m looking at, thinking of, doesn’t even know what kind of sick and terrible things I want to do to them. It’s sick. And unfortunately those thoughts have been worsening lately. They’ve gotten so extreme that I’m afraid I’m going to give in to them soon.