I have been obsessed with the idea of you for a long time, it’s a horrible unrealistic habit I’ve gotten myself into. I recognize it’s not healthy for me, you and my relationships. It started out as a harmless fantasy of who I thought you were and would be. Later after we briefly dated I made it my coping mechanism. I’d would think of you and all he good memories I have when the bad memories of the abuse would surface. Now every time these negative memories try to surface (which is quite often) thoughts of you fill my head. This weird pattern of thinking has stuck with me for years. I’m stuck thinking about you instead of dealing with my trauma. It makes me feel weak because I’m stuck on something that isn’t real anymore and avoiding my past. More therapy in my future I guess. Ugh.