I’ve been a gay man all my life and didn’t keep it a secret, everyone in my life knows but those who just met me wouldn’t know unless I told them, which I eventually would during conversation. I’ve like and been with men only since I was 17 years old, never had a female crush, kiss or s**. That is until I met her…
Two year ago a new girl started at my work and the first time meeting her my mind kept saying “she’s beautiful” and it felt like a horse was kicking me in the chest. I tried to ignore it by telling myself that she’s just a pretty lady and the kicks in the chest was just an allergy to her perfume or something. After awhile I couldn’t deny some type of attraction any longer because every time she came near me I would get the kicks in my chest and when she smiled at me it felt like my entire being melted. I also noticed myself checking out her breasts, a** and hoping to catch a glimpse of the outline of her p****. I fought my feelings for months but every time I kissed or fucked my boyfriend, I’d see her face and desire her. I finally gave in and fantasized about her while having s** with him and during m***********. After a few months of this I felt guilty and broke things off with my boyfriend and asked her out on a date. The dates were amazing and our connection grew daily but I could never tell her about who I really was. She moved to a new company after a couple of months and I can’t say that I wasn’t happy about it because of course I’d miss her but I wouldn’t have to be terrified she would find out about me anymore and my stress level went way down.
It’s been a little over two years now that I’ve been with her and crazy in love with this perfect woman and still can’t tell her because I’m terrified of losing her. I want to marry her and tell the whole world that we belong to each other and she is the love of my life but every time I open my mouth to tell her if feels like I’m being choked. I feel so f****** guilty that she doesn’t know and that this amazing woman I am so in love with and so proud of is a basically a secret in my life.
I will eventually do the right thing and tell her because I believe she is kind enough to be understanding and accepting even if she may not love it and I believe our love is strong enough to overcome anything but f*** if this isn’t the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life!