The morning bath with ny mother after the date night with her on my 17th birthday was very calm and relaxing. It did not go anywhere physical and it was simply close intimate talking and laughter. She kept smiling at me and i asked why and she said after so many years after my father died, it was nice to be looked at with affection and desire by a man. She said that she was not making any promises but she had had some thoughts about us being clossr more like a relationship to the degree appropriate and comfortable. That she was having to think through things because to this point the management of my obsessive fixation on her had been the driving force but that since that had been working healthily she had been finding herself uncertain and the lines were getting blurred. But that if my responsible clean minded behavior towards her continued she might flex some boundaries like the date might and mutual m*********** we had shared the previous night. She said she knew I wanted more from and with her but she had very basic intense fundamental discomfort with it in many ways. I accidentally made her cry right there in the tub when I told her that I would do my best to not pressure her, and that if she needed I wanted to try to stop the managed m*********** she allowed and focus on her happiness and leave the concept of taking any more small steps entirely up to her. She was flat out bawling and I leaned into her and out my arms around her shoulders and let her cry as long as she needed. It qas a confusing thing for me because I had such emotions and desire for her but also wanted her happy. I meant what i said with all my heart. But eventually my head and my lust got the better of me. That night when she went to bed she said she qas exhausted and needed to sleep to stop thinking and that she did not want me to be hurt that she was closing and locking her bedroom door. She said she was doing it because she qas not trusting of herself rsther than me.

I wokenin the wee hours by her slipping into my bed alongside me. She looked radiant in her long white satin sleep shirt. She looked confused and put her finger to my lips and told me to not speak, to just hold her. She spent the night with her legs and arms tangled in mine and her face asleep on my chest. It was perfection while it lasted.