I had been on/off again fuckbuddies with an ex for almost a decade now and I finally broke it off a few months ago.
We were gonna meet up, I paid for everything, and was so ready to screw her fat stupid brains out.
But then she started getting clingy and weirdly sweet to me again and I freaked out. Canceled everything and blamed her having an unrelated episode for why I couldn’t do it anymore.
Blocked everywhere everyplace.

Every day I have the small fear of consequence on my mind.
But I tell myself I’ve made the right choice.
It’s too hard being a good man and I hate myself for too many reasons.
I just want to be what my wife needs me to be now. I pray my sins wash out and disappear like a bad dream.

I hate that version of me. I never want to be him again.