I have a BPD and my rage is always makes me thinks to kill everybody and after that I will think "oh no what have I done, I shouldn't think that way" and

4 years

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I have a BPD and my rage is always makes me thinks to kill everybody and after that I will think “oh no what have I done, I shouldn’t think that way” and redirect that homicidial feeling to be suicidal thingking, ah maybe I shouldn’t go near anyone so if my seething rage incoming then I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone with either word or physical damage, I’m so done with this world, I’m in 5th week therapy but these feelings doesn’t goes away, I hope I could just be rich enough to encage myself in it and wouldn’t need to go out or interact with people but still got money, ahaha only if I could focus with my BPD lol.. I hate my brain.. I hate myself.. I don’t want to hurt someone.. please intense feelings go away soon so I could sleep and forgot what I felt

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