4 years
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I’m a 33 year old bisexual man who fell in love with a 22 year old gay man who’s been asking to be my boyfriend for 3 years. I went against my nature and choose to listen to my parents. We met up last year and had non penetrative s** twice, I refused to sleep with him because I’m still a virgin. The worst part is that he had a boyfriend at the time and this broke them up. He was very sad and became w reckless. We recently reconnected and are planning a life together when he got really sick, we found out three weeks ago he has HIV. All of my family and friends want me to leave him but I’m so in love and I’m so sad. If I had became is boyfriend when he asked me when he was single none of this would’ve happened. He was 19, I was 29 and I didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of a young person. I’ve recently got on prep but I’m so scared the first time that I actually have s** I could get HIV, this is the toughest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life and the worst part is that I feel him pulling away from me. It’ll de estate me if I wind up positive and he decides to leave me after all, for making him wait.

New Confession

i injected ketamine into my right deltoid and realized i had no water to drink. by the time i was in the kitchen i was dissociated as hell trying to remind myself im a person in a kitchen trying to get ice cubes and filtered water into my tumbler

it hit much much harder than it did when i tried it in my vastus lateralis. i injected nearly 80mg which is over 1mg/kg for me. im still feeling it a little. apparently the comedown is longer than IV but way less than IN. its 3am now and i have some powder and some sterile solution left in the vial to inject into my vein. ive been trying to get the out of body ketamine experience during my trips but still havent gotten there during my last few for a while now even with needles involved. i was a little closer tonight though, without overwhelming my system or anesthetizing myself

i usually take it once every few months or so. i take medication with a needle every week so im used to them but not used to plunging the bigger thicker ones down deep into my muscle like that. the painful pressure feeling is hard to get used to. and the deep ache that lingers for a few days. i got a little sweaty and lightheaded seeing and feeling an inch of stainless steel sink into my body. there’s that animal instinct part of me that doesn’t want to shove metal into myself and cringes at what im doing but another part too that finds fascination in the sensation and resistance to the needle in the different layers of tissue.

i’ve found it fun and interesting to experiment with all the ways of administering this drug and learning more about my body along the way. exactly where the arteries run down my arms or where major nerves might be hiding.

i dont really have something to finish this off with. it was fun, painful, and interesting. the comedown for IM seems to be 2-3 hours long so far. i stayed up very late to do this. i may augment with nitrous next time.

-108

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