when i was younger, maybe 10 or 11, i had unrestricted internet access, which resulted in me seeing a lot of fucked up stuff really early, usually because people sent it to me or told me to look it up. i developed a p*** addiction around the same time, and now that i’m 18, and i can only get off to paraphelia p***. most of it is just fantasy or 2D stuff like cnc, loli/s****, ageplay, petplay, kidnapping/s** slave, simulated pedophilia, and simulated i*****, but some of it is real, like z********, extreme violence, gore, and mindbreak (no real cp tho, i wouldn’t go that far). i’m too ashamed to talk to a therapist or get actual help. i feel like a monster and absolutely nobody knows about it, not even online. i’ve tried to quit so many times but it never works, i can’t stop myself from coming back. i know it’s really fucked up, but if you’ve never been in a position like this, you don’t understand how terrifying it is to live this way. just needed to get this off my chest.
