The only people I see as disposable are those who are clearly doing well and on a path, especially with others. I wouldn’t want to disrupt their lives and relationships, so I stay back. But everything I say, I mean, it’s genuine. At the same time it might be a closed issue to me anyway. I can’t step in. I don’t have much hope in it from what I see. Doing the math. No place for me. I stop by and say hello, send well wishes, mean it from the bottom of my heart, obviously, if I am randomly looking, but that’s might be all. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to stop in say hello, make myself visible, you aware, and then just back off? It might be wrong. But I can’t help it. I don’t really need help either. That’s nice to what I’d be looking for, at the other end I would be open to interpretations from someone wise.

On the other hand, I wish I could be a shoulder and listen to all her problems and what’s on her mind, what’s got her down, what I’m life do you see that makes you sick, and let her help me how she thinks I need it, even if I’m alright. I’d love that. Not that I would expect it, I know in the grand scheme there is a very long line of people who need/want/deserve/expect help, but I’d be very interested to hear whats going on in that head. Just can’t bring myself to intrude. It comes down to am I worth it? Not you. Am I disposable. Do I deserve time? I’m not sure I have any worth to her tbh. Not that I am not genuinely interested in what she’s been doing, I believe she must be wise. Sounds like she’s doing really good at life. I didn’t know it either. I also know it had to be and is difficult at times. It takes guts and drive in that place. More than I think I’d have.