It’s weird, when we broke up, he apologized for being a bad person. He said I was just trying my best with what I had and he wasn’t there for me.
But the older I get, the more I realize that I was the one who screwed it up. I was the one who couldn’t be content with what he was giving me. Sure I was sick, but I knew. I definitely knew.
Maybe if I hadn’t expected so much of him yknow?
Maybe if I had loosened the rope, I would have been able to grow. We could’ve grown together.
One time we were texting and he said something along the lines of “yknow, I couldve married you and been happy. I might have married you if things had been different.” I think that still haunts me sometimes.
The fact that I could have been married right now.
I used to ask myself “what did he mean if things had been different? what could’ve been different?” but I think deep down I know. Or maybe even surface level.
I know.
It’s odd, it’s like, if he came up to me right now and asked to date again, I would say no. It’s just those “could’ve been’s” that get me.
Anyway, he got engaged today and I’m genuinely happy for him. He deserves it.
I wish you nothing but happiness, N.