because I am not the violent type I seem to miss out on men. I am way too passionate and sensual. and I am a creature of comforts, more then violence, so I am sadly alone most of the time. I wish I knew what love was. I feel sorry for people and myself being abused for s**. Like the weird fat violent english scotish short guy who raped me. he was married to someone else and I didn’t even want to be with him. He was nothing I wanted in a man at all. he was pushed on to me by assholes. that dickhead willo can think he has fools many but he is still a weasel You get pushed around so much s******* you stop even looking. Its not like men are knocking on my door and being gentle with me. so how am I to blame when people read into my stuff something that is not there in my diary in the first place that is tresspass against the person to go through there things and use and collaborate against them. I never felt the need to do that to people and that is why I didn’t get married or have success. I mind my own business too much.