Integrity. I can always tell that people I meet and get to know in real life, they know my integrity. I can always feel it. It was getting to the point that I forgot about it and it always surprised me when I could sense it out of someone that I had their trust, respect, they were looking out for me, they were happy to see me, the kind of thing where they would come see me after not for a few weeks or something and say something like “Its good to see you”. They know when I say something, it’s not b*******. They like me,trust me, they respect and I an reminded of what I am at my core. There was time with all the mud slinging about b******* I was dragged into, I forgot about. Under a dark cloud with a constant feeling like I want to vomit. It’s like reading this website. It will make a normal person sick if you read enough of it.

And no, I won’t harm anyone. I guess sometimes I huff my chest out and talk s*** because I feel threatened and targeted. I’m not a push over Mr nice guy like I was at one time, an speak up when I need to and people know damn well I f****** mean it when I do, but I like my life too much to ruin it on something that is essentially not worth it. Rightfully so. I am and have been which is my own fault for putting myself out there so everyone including the slime of the earth can see it. Which is stupid, and it’s not me either. I don’t like to be so out there when it comes right down to it. I wouldn’t want to be famous. Famous people will tell you “you don’t want to be famous” and I don’t need to hear it from them to know I don’t want to be famous.

But like I said, I know what I need to do to fix most of my current problems or at least make myself feel comfortable anyway. That’s to take it back to literally 1998 in most ways.

Living almost everything in reality not online. Out of sight.what is directly in front of me. Which really is the start of any and all of my biggest problems in life. Around 2002. Loads of anxiety. Literally weeks after I signed up for my first email in 2002. That was the exact start and I can honestly say that sickening feeling hasn’t left since. I am not a social person. I am, I couldn’t do my job if I wasn’t, I am not an introvert but I am not and have not ever liked to be the center of attention. Especially negative attention from the type I consider to be scum. I never did get into social media, one thing I have never done was create a social media account with my real name connected.