Wife told the internet yesterday that we’re having a baby and now everybody’s being stupid and gay about it. I know I know “Finally growing up!!!” blah blah blah. Go f*** yourselves you f****** assholes, I don’t need your phony approval or fake support. Millions of people do this all the time, every day, it’s just not that big of a f****** deal. I don’t remember such a commotion when I learned to tie my shoes. With any luck none of you people will ever see a photograph of my child, and you will never ever see them in person for any reason whatsoever. Sorry you all signed off on life when you were young and I waited, did things my way, and NOW I am ready to do this. You will be of no help to us, we got this. Unlike most of you my wife has an extremely supportive family, and even though my family are a bunch of lame squares who only care about themselves, I’m sure they will be around to help when I need them as well. There is nothing I need from anyone outside of that circle, please just continue living your boring pathetic lives, I am now ready to do the same, but unlike you I don’t think it’s a big deal or a major event, I guess I just have higher standards.