I would like to share and confess my experiences, the bad and my most hidden and very personal experience I have that I wanted to forget so that I can move forward and start fresh. They said that sharing your most hidden secrets to someone will make it easier for you to move on and will help you release all the burden that you’re carrying.

I will start my story when I was a kid. I am a PK by the way. PK means Pastor’s Kid. I grew up in a family who dwells in the Lord and would always go to church. There are a lot of restrictions that we must follow. When I was young, I don’t remember my age though I believe maybe I was 6, I was molested by my cousin. I never thought that what he did was wrong. I thought back then it was okay. He would use to let me play with his thing and he would tell me to lay on the bed and he would touch and lick my most private part after he would give ne money. He told me not to tell anyone. Until it happen again, he would tell me we will just play and after he would do it again and one time he tried to put his thing on my private part, I told him it was painful and he stopped. He tried to put it inside again and said it painful and he stopped after that he gave me money and i think he never did it again or I just forget it because it was not a nice experience to remember. In my younger years I was molested many timed by my male cousins. I really thought it was Okay but when I grew up I learned and understand that what they did to me was not good and it was really an inscest thay up to this day when I remember it I would feel numb and disgusted to my self. I used to cry this back then when I realized that i was molested.

My parents doesn’t know about any of these that I was molested by my cousins not just once but many times and to think that I am just very young back then and so are they. My parents told me when I was of age to tell them if someone would touch me in my private parts so that they will make action and put that person in jail but during those time, I like to tell them but I just can’t because I was afraid that my family would suffer and I felt so ashamed because I let them do it to me.

Now we are old, I can still see them and they have there own families but my trauma is still with me. Now I am afraid to be left alone with a guy because I think that something might happen to me. I can still remeber some of those molestation that they did to me. I can still remember it like it was just yesterday and it felt horrible. I tried to forget it so bad because I dont want to remember it anymore. I want to move on and forget everything. Though my first molester cousin asked for my forgiveness way back during my teen years cause he already has a daughter and he doesn’t want that his daughter would go through something like I did. I forgive him and also the others though they never asked for it but still I forgave them.

Those traumatic experience lead me to my s***** impurity.Up to now, I still don’t know if I’m still a virgin or not. I am confused because it felt so horrible if I think of it again. Growing up I was living a life full of s***** things. Because I thought that it was okay to do it like that, Because I thought it was just a game not knowing that my s***** desires was opened so I used to play with other people. Play each others private parts, boy or girl, I had played with them. We played and touch each other not knowing it wasn’t right.

Up to this day, I still have a problem with this s***** desire which I wanted to surrender fully to the Lord. I wanted to change fully and I wanted to stop this thing. Because I am afraid to do s***** i********** with another person I would often watch p*** and would read s***** stories and I would masterbate while watching and while reading it. I could say that to pacify my s***** desire I would often watch p*** and masterbate. And I know for a fact that doing this is not good because this is a big sin to the Lord and I really wanted to stop and surrender this to Him. They said that part of changing and giving my whole self to the Lord is to confess all my dirty little secrets or my secrets my impurities to someone but since this is such a big thing and serious thing, if you are reading this, please help me pray. or Pray for me that I can overcome this and would stop my addiction from watching p*** and masterbating. I wanted to stop this because I want to give myself fully to the Lord. Please help me and pray for me that the chain that is holding me from this sin will be broken. Thank you so much.