I’m so tired of people hurting each other. I’ve tried suicide twice and was so close both times. I promised my mother and adult daughter that I wouldn’t do it while they were alive.

I have aquired enough ricin to make sure that I won’t fail again.

I can only see my va counselor every 3 or 4 months. I’m so very tired. I just want to go home. I want the constant mental and physical pain to stop.I just want to leave this heavy body behind and go home.

Why did I make those promises.If anything ever happens to them i’ll follow them after 24 to 72 hours of excruciating pain and sickness.