you wanna know the saddest part about it? I finally realized that if they cared to know me just a tiny bit from all the years we’ve lived together they’d know how to talk to me about it instead of forcing it on me.

I’m a very straightforward person and loathe manipulation of any kind. you can’t beat me into submission, you can’t bully me or shame me into doing your bidding. I don’t do things when I’m not convinced about them. I don’t do mindgames or psychological warefare. that’s just not who I am.

If you had simply treated me like an adult, hell like a human being with a functionning mind, all of this could’ve been avoided years ago. Or at least if you had tried it recently things could’ve been smoother but of course you didn’t. you went the other route, the bullying, the shouting, the cruel insults and even physical assault.

If you had been honest, if you had just spoken to me from your heart and said something like “look, her husband won’t budge on quitting his second job so we gotta help her out with the kid. yes, it’s unfortunate and we will all be bothered but we’re family and we gotta stick up for one another and if we all help a bit we’ll make it work and me might even have fun. it likely will be a long term thing but we’ll make it work”

If my sister had said “look, my husband won’t budge, I’m at my wits end and I have no one else to turn to. could you please help me out for a while, a few months maybe, until the kid is a little older or until my husband finally changes his mind. I’ll try not to be a bother too much and I’ll only come stay when I really have to. You’d be doing a huge favor, truly”

but of course they were all like “you don’t get to have your own room, you contributed to nothing in this house, this is our house and you only have a bed, we don’t wanna hear a single word about it”

okay, first of all. f*** our parents for being poor and deciding to have many children. f*** you, older siblings for not marrying and leaving the house. yes, you did help support us and I’m grateful but let’s face it, you didn’t really do it our of love for us, our parents and us the younger siblings, you did it for YOU. You made us move for YOU, you bought this house for YOU. we just went along for the ride. you take your bitterness about not marrying and having s***** jobs on us in the most vile ways even though you know we’re blameless. for f***’s sake, you say that this house is yours and that didn’t contribute anything but I was a f****** teenager at the time. I was f****** fifteen years old. how could I contribute financially as a f****** child??? and you honestly think that by saying these things I’ll what? worship you? f*** that.

you talk about cooking and chores like I’m some sort of slave while our brother is the golden boy. the double standards are f****** ridiculous and just because you’re too much of a coward to stand up for yourself and change things doesn’t mean you get to drag me into it so that I suffer too.

“you can’t cook, who will marry you?” well, you can cook, let’s say, why aren’t you married? as if cooking skills is the only condition to get married. and besides, why do you have to say it like it’s my “duty” as a woman. as if cooking and chores are engraved on my forehead just because I’m a woman? why can’t you just say “cooking is great skill and you’ll always need it, you’ll be able to make all your favorite dishes. we’ll help you learn and we can all cook together and learn more” but noooo, they’re all like “you’re a woman, you have to cook for your husband, no one will marry you if you don’t cook, you’re useless in the kitchen, you can’t cook a simple dish, you’re not a woman, how dare u eat our food when you don’t cook for us….”

I’m not even scratching the surface here… it just keeps getting worse and worse the more I talk about it. I honestly only came to mention the whole “direct conversation thing” and s*** came out but anyway, point is. f*** you. if I sense a hint of manipulation I’m gone. If you’re not honest, if you hide the truth and cover your weaknesses out of pride then this problem will never be resolved.

I know you don’t really care. I’m the one burning bridges here but if that means I end up alone then so be it. I’d rather be alone than suffer your pathetic attempts to control me.