I regret getting into relationships when I was 14 years old.

I remember getting my first one, he was sweet at first, nurturing, caring. He was 15; a year older than me. I remember how I got into a lot of discord craziness with that boy, we would chat and he would understand when I have to sleep late.
I asked what we were and of course since it was an online relationship, he said it wouldn’t stand a chance and yet after that break up, he continued to call me cute, flirt with me still. I had enough of it, unfortunately. I got also mixed up with his friend group who also teased me to his other friends. Of course I t
ried to reconnect in a healthy way but some stuff just went down, he tried to flirt with me again when he was drunk last christmas and he was on his phone and I left them (again) and he got mad. I returned yet again cause of guilt of not closing things up, when I came back. He recognized me, fortunately. He was with another girl now. I wish them both the best

After that relationship, I felt lost somehow

Next thing I know, I was yet again; caught up with another boy. He was religious, have a traditional outlook, he was fun to be with and didn’t judge me. We would talk non-stop for minutes, hours, days. He wasn’t a bad person at all, he just kind of bored (?) me? He was always supportive, I loved that about him but the thing I felt guilty of was because I liked the attention, the way he gives love and I feel guilty for thinking our relationship wouldn’t work. I was afraid of the future unlike before where I believed that things would be okay. I feel guilty not only because of my boredom but also of the lack of love i gave him. He did not deserve me at all and until now I still feel guilt from that

Then, silly young me got in a fling thing with a 19 yr old. Yes, a 19 year old. I pretty much regretted it, one thing I felt guilt was because I liked the thrill of it even if it hurt, I liked the high of it, the “need” for his attention. what’s worse is he was flirting with an 18 yr old too, I was 15 that time. S**** yeah? I agree. I felt guilt not for him but for myself and for the boy I left in the recent one (2nd paragraph). In short, he was a total b****. I befriended the girl though.

I am pretty much now messed up for saying yet again, I have gotten a fling aged 18 (god, I’m cringing). he was also not my whole type, we had nice convos, I liked the way he would subtly give clues, the way we would listen to songs, share playlists. He was a total music buddy, bad thing was he also is self-pitiful