i wish my moms ex bf would k him self. he was like a father figure to me bc my parents divorced when i was 6 and thats when he came into our lives. but

4 years

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i wish my moms ex bf would k him self. he was like a father figure to me bc my parents divorced when i was 6 and thats when he came into our lives. but then in 2020 their relationship started falling apart. then he started s******* abusing me. i blame myself because i got addicted to the feeling of being touched. he always did it when i was falling asleep bc he would cuddle me and cuddling was normal for us so i let him cus it felt good. i was 14. he stopped suddenly one day and then i realized what was happening was so incredibly wrong and was pedophilia. i think its possible he may have touched me in my sleep but idk if that was a nightmare my brain created or real. i felt so disgusted with myself i couldnt touch my own skin, like not even my arm. i still do feel disgusted. i was afraid he was gonna r*** me in my sleep for the next few years until he moved out recently. hes apologized and sobbed and cried while apologizing and i forgave him in the moment. but i wanna take back my forgiveness bc what hes done to my body ruined my life. im afraid of being intimate with people bc im afraid theyll touch me and that itll remind me of him. idk what my s******** is because its fucked me up in my head, i dont wanna be with a man because itll remind me of him at the same time as i want to be in a relationship with a man one day, im very comfortable with the idea of being with a woman too (i knew i was bi before it happened) he keeps in contact with us and since hes moved out hes become increasingly depressed. i feel so bad at the same time as i dont care. it would be so much easier for him to k himself bc then i can come out about what hes done and get therapy so i can be comfortable in my own skin again. but it makes me sick to my stomach to wish death upon someone even him. i hate him but our familial relationship makes me care for him. i wish i could erase it all from my brain and body. i wanna be comfortable again.

New Confession

I have worked hard to be the person I am. I have a management position at my place of work. I began there after covid and until recently enjoyed working with the franchise.

I don’t attend company functions or socialize with others at work keeping it completely business like. No one there really knows much about my family other than what little things I have revealed.

At the beginning of the year another woman was hired. Not in my department but in the same company. I never need to even talk with her. Our company requires us to use a payroll app for HR type functions such as scheduling work shifts, days off etc. This app has some social media type features and recognizes birthdays and work anniversaries for other employees totally violating my privacy.

This woman noticed our birthdays were within days of each other. She somehow decided to dig for information about me. Probably from the countless online databases. My daughter stopped in from college as the semester ended to make some financial transactions I needed to have notarized.

This woman chatted a minute and learned she was 20. I am 34 and did the math. Rumors spread like wildfire. Ok I had her while 14. I love her dearly. I had support of my family. Raised her, continuing my education and later raising her as a single mom.

Now I dread going to work because I feel I’ve lost confidence in my position there. It was never a secret among my family and friends and others I went to school with but now I feel like I’m being judged by these people that don’t even know us.

Related Confessions

I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.