Im ready to die. I had a mental breakdown between October and February and threw away all of my friends,, and any chance I had at a future away and I keep

4 years

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Im ready to die. I had a mental breakdown between October and February and threw away all of my friends,, and any chance I had at a future away and I keep trying to make myself sound like a victim or a self righteous martyr, trying to sell myself as just a crazy a****** who just needed to be hugged more. That puts all the responsibility for my toxic behavior on my victims and makes me no better than my father. I fucked up. I said some fucked up s*** and scared people who just want to be left alone because I couldn’t handle how left behind I have really become. As much as I tried to delude myself that I was becoming a better person, the entire time I’d dug my hole deeper than it’s ever been before. You really did get the last laugh. I got to feel like I made months of solid progress at not being a total f****** self entitled little psychotic geeky creepy fuckboy. I even had what I thought was a breakthrough. I was finally ready to move on and try to live my life instead of hiding in delusional fantasies and magical thinking all day. Then the very next day that receipt came in the mail. Every s***** selfish toxic thing I’ve ever done up to this point has lead up to this, and as much as I should just be devastated, I’m just tired. I know I’m an a******. I don’t deserve s***. If anything I’m relieved that the world has finally confirmed for me what I always told myself since I was 14 Andy girlfriend told me I reminder her of snaking Skywalker. I am a villain. Just finish me off. I give up. I don’t care anymore. I don’t want a fight. Just f****** kill me. Take me the f*** out. Do it cowards. Bullet right in the back of my brains. You won’t. Pussies.

New Confession

I have worked hard to be the person I am. I have a management position at my place of work. I began there after covid and until recently enjoyed working with the franchise.

I don’t attend company functions or socialize with others at work keeping it completely business like. No one there really knows much about my family other than what little things I have revealed.

At the beginning of the year another woman was hired. Not in my department but in the same company. I never need to even talk with her. Our company requires us to use a payroll app for HR type functions such as scheduling work shifts, days off etc. This app has some social media type features and recognizes birthdays and work anniversaries for other employees totally violating my privacy.

This woman noticed our birthdays were within days of each other. She somehow decided to dig for information about me. Probably from the countless online databases. My daughter stopped in from college as the semester ended to make some financial transactions I needed to have notarized.

This woman chatted a minute and learned she was 20. I am 34 and did the math. Rumors spread like wildfire. Ok I had her while 14. I love her dearly. I had support of my family. Raised her, continuing my education and later raising her as a single mom.

Now I dread going to work because I feel I’ve lost confidence in my position there. It was never a secret among my family and friends and others I went to school with but now I feel like I’m being judged by these people that don’t even know us.

Related Confessions

I am 41 and married. For the past several months, I have been having innocent lunches with a younger guy who calls on our company. Last month after lunch he said he needed to stop at his motel to pick up some packages he needed to mail. It was hot so he offered to leave the car running or I can go in and watch TV while he prepared the packages so I went in with him.. Once he finished the packages he turned and casually kissed me, but it quickly became very passionate and we ended up on the bed. I told him I didn’t want to do anything, but he ran his hand up my skirt quickly finding what he was interested in. I told him again I didn’t want to do anything but after another passionate kiss and what he was doing he embraced me saying it didn’t feel like I wasn’t interested in doing anything I told him that wasn’t it but that I couldn’t because I wasn’t on birth control and my husband had had a vasectomy and I didn’t want to take a chance of getting pregnant but by that time he had gotten me extremely aroused so I told him if he used a condom I would. When he said he didn’t have one I asked him why he would get me in that condition and not be prepared. All it took for him to convince me to have unprotected s** was to say he would buy me a morning after pill This s** was incredible with me having a massive o***** when I felt him c****** inside me. After that then stopping to get the Plan B making up the excuse for why I was an hour late getting back to work from lunch wasn’t very convincing so I took a lot of ribbing from the other girls in the office. Then a week later when my period was due it didn’t come. I figured the pill had messed up my cycle but after another week I took a pregnancy test and despite taking the Plan B, I had gotten pregnant I haven’t told him yet but I’m going to need his help in getting an abortion to save my marriage.