I think I rememberr being sent here by some entity in a light to help my mother. Recently I left her place and we have never really had a good relationship. I was thinking of her at the mall when walking by a tea shop that featured gift sets in the window, as if maybe I should buy her one for mothers day…but I’m not ready to even reach out to her. I’m still hurt and I feel thats one more thing the world will condemn me for. It’s so so so sad how much all of this, bits of my story, have been taken out of context. I will all the evil perceptions that have been projected onto me about me and about the world would go away, but as soon as it does there will always remain the element of deception. I don’t feel there is a solution to the things I struggle with… and not one person truly understands… or if they do they have an equally tragic story and have been made powerless to help me- and in turn the obligation it produces of wanting to give back has become expensive… it hurts from an emotional standpoint to reciprocate. I could go on…but itll just get messy and confusing.