My partner and I are supposed to be celebrating our five year anniversary at the end of this month, and I have completely fallen out of love with him. We are both owners of a beautiful home that he bullied me into buying, and I can’t leave this relationship because I am financially trapped. He put down the down payment, but other than a few times in the beginning that I just didn’t have enough money to do so, I have paid the entire mortgage and every utility bill associated with this house. The longer I live with him in this toxic relationship, the more that I actively hate him.

With every fight we have (and I’m lucky if we go more than a few days without one), I die a little more inside. If it weren’t for my parents and my cat and dog, I would have killed myself years ago.

The longer I exist in this relationship, the more I am watching my friendships wash away (including my closest friend, who has been by my side for 23 of my 30 years on this earth). He has drained me of any and all energy that I would need to leave, even if I had the money to do so. All of these years of his emotional abuse has left me a broken shell of the strong person that I used to be.

My boss told me in January that he is retiring this year, and asked me to take over the company. It is well-established, reputable, and very successful. Although I was extremely afraid and felt very unprepared to take this step, I agreed to do so because I feel like this might be my only opportunity to make the money I need to escape this relationship and finally be happy again.

I hope I can keep existing long enough to see that happen.