Before I get into this, I just want to warn everyone reading that this talks about some uncomfortable subjects such as animal r*** and b**********.
I’m a girl. When I was 14 years old I got in a relationship with an older man who was most definitely praying on me but my brain at the time told me it was the right thing. My dad was out of my life earlier then I can remember and my mother was neglectful, so the attention felt right. This man was into some weird s*** and introduced me to b********** p***. For a while, I was into it. I thought. Look, I’m not attracted to animals in the slightest. but I WAS attracted to how wrong it felt. I watched and got off to it, it was like my drug. I fantasized about being the animal taken advantaged of while simultaneously hating the sick monsters who did these things to them. I’d also had fantasized about being raped, or being 13 again and having s** with all my male teachers.
I’m 17 now and broke up with the man when I was 16. I’ve been trying to recover ever since. (F*** him I hope he burns) B********** p*** had ruined my life. It’s extreme, immoral, illegal, and disgusting and f***. I no longer watch that s*** because it’s horrific but the guilt eats me up every. f******. day. I feel like the sickest person on this planet, if not the devil himself. I feel like I’m the only young girl who’s ever gone through something like this too, so the feeling of isolation is real.
I know I sound like a freak, and I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that.