On the eve of Valentine, I bought your favorite cupcakes with the red and white tops with a swirl and some sprinkles. I confess to eating them without you

4 years

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On the eve of Valentine, I bought your favorite cupcakes with the red and white tops with a swirl and some sprinkles. I confess to eating them without you is not as much fun as eating them off your naked body for years..lol.. You always knew how to tempt-n-tease due to your modeling career in NYC. We had some great times, 16 of the best years off my life. I don’t think God could have created a better best friend for me than you. You were like a Greek Goddess, a sculpture of Grace to behold with your porcelain skin, long legs, blonde hair and beautiful green eyes. It freaks me out when I see your twin Sharon Stone. It makes me miss you and the sweet sound of your laughter, the way you held me close, whispered in my ear, ” Te Amo Angel Face.” I can still close my eyes and remember rolling out of your Egyptian cotton sheets,walking past the antique wooden sleigh bed with the angels carved in the centers, the Monet in the hall, turning the corner to watch you joyfully cook us fresh salmon and your secret sauce. You were like a fleck of sunshine, and could always brighten any day. I miss our life together, our 75% built home, our sweet miniature tea cup poodle and the way he would nip at you if you tried to get frisky with me or put your hand around my waist and make us both laugh. How I miss your smile and the scent of you on my skin. I do believe you are and will always remain as one of the best people I have ever known in my entire life my sweet Leo. No one and nothing compares to you, even now after having met an ocean of people. Your love has always remained with me like a solar battery pack for my soul, a survival light of my own in the darkness , storms or chaos of this world. I can still see your mothers shocked expression when the elevator doors opened and it was me stepping out into the hospital, ” I, I was just getting ready to call you but L said you were intuitive and already knew, and here you are. I am just amazed.” Not everyone is capable of understanding, love is the lifeline. Real love, is the intuitive connection that defies time, space or logic. It is how I know when your plane lands before you call and how a mother instinctively knows her child is in danger, the 6th sense. Mine knows at this point I will never marry in this lifetime. The only regret or sadness is that my child /children will never know my amazing mother as she is getting old and may run out of time. But everyone’s destiny is different and I have accepted my date. However scientific research is showing we only have 10 years before the environment turns into an oven, so perhaps not having children in this world is less selfish or cruel. Although I do love kids and ours would have been adorable. You are, were, and will always will be my one true love. L, thank you for teaching me genuine love, the kind that would cross deserts to bring their beloved water. I thirst for you. You spent years protecting me from the wrath of my stepfather and were quick to stop his fists from hurting us. I will always love you for being there for me when it mattered most, for seeing my life and worth as precious, before I became the success I am today. Everything I am today is because you loved me my eternal friend and lover. i have learned in your absence only 25% of the world knows what real love is or how to give it in a healthy nurturing way not based in selfishness. We were the lucky ones darling, to find each other and love each other in this lifetime. Although I cannot cross the bridge to be with you in Heaven, I will always be grateful for loving you and being loved by you. It is a truth I never take for granted. See you in two years my Interstellar wife. Happy Valentines honey.🦋

New Confession

I am a 25-year-old virgin still trapped in my parents’ house, and I am putting my absolute darkest secret out into the open because I feel like I was reincarnated just to suffer. My life is a complete joke, and everything cucks me. I feel like I lost all purpose, and honestly, the only things holding me back from ending it are my parents and the social pressure and humiliation. I just want my own place to finally try out stuff like alcohol or hookers, or to get myself brutally dominated just to see if it makes me feel whole. But I get so cucked I cannot even leave the house outside of work or come a minute too late at home, and it is so draining.

Look at the architecture of who built me. My immigrant parents brought me here, couldn’t teach me the language, and threw me into special education where I was branded, bullied, and broken. The school bullies destroyed my self-worth. Even worse was a girl back then who publicly humiliated me while I wore track pants, sticking her finger slightly inside my b*** in front of others and then smelling it, while her profile bio literally said Alhamduillah, f*** her. Look at the adults who warped me: a mean babysitter who dominated me, and two female therapists in their 30s who had me lie on the ground, trampled me with their feet, and talked about how strong I am and how much weight I could take. That planted a sickness in me.

Look at my first crush who completely humiliated me, rejecting the necklace I got her and telling me to bring it to a reunion, calling me her sissy, and screenshotting my confession of love to send to her friends. I curse every single second and minute I wasted waiting for her texts. Then there was that female coworker with the age gap, my exact type. We had fun shifts, but she was a b**** who used me, made me do her bidding, and then replaced me. After she got the ick from learning too much about me, she isolated me, made others believe I had a crush on her, got me bullied, and drove me to call in sick until I got another job. I still stalk her profile pictures, freeze up when I see her, block and delete chats, and use AI to generate pictures of us out of sheer obsession.

My brain is a disaster. I have undiagnosed ADHD, autism, and aphantasia, meaning I cannot even properly visualize the opportunities I try to manifest. I cannot tie shoes, read a clock, or do basic math, which makes me feel retarded. I am right wing leaning against migration. I am literally the same race as these pieces of s*** out there raising the birth rates, mistreating women, and acting like gang rapists, but I am so cucked and useless. I hate my name, my culture, everything. I am smart enough to understand how backwards we are, even psy-opping myself with a BNWO fetish and plapping.

P*** addiction started early and completely destroyed my masculinity, sinking me into deep depression. I try to quit, I try to lose weight, but every time I try to improve, people trigger me. Everyone abuses me, uses me, and blocks me. I cant even move out because my parents get a panic attack, yet they expect me to marry and give them grandkids while they cuck me to oblivion. It all feels so cruel. I don’t even have any friends, even that was not wanted. I don’t even know how or if I can fix myself. Maybe putting this out here will change something, because this is my ultimate secret.

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I like kicking royalty while its down and hurting for every time the fuckheads did it to me and others. I do think its time they were got rid of.