I had an abortion around this time last year. His sister was pregnant at the same time as me so seeing his nephew can be hard on my nerves. Now both of my

4 years

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I had an abortion around this time last year. His sister was pregnant at the same time as me so seeing his nephew can be hard on my nerves. Now both of my best friends are pregnant. It’s bringing up so many sad, confusing feelings.

There is guilt because I feel that I took something away from him but it had to be done. I have NEVER EVER in my life wanted children. I was starting a new job, he was job hunting, we don’t live together. He’s also a lot younger than I and I still want him to have fun. It was an all around foolish idea so I went through with it and he has supported me all the way.

I got an IUD inserted after how hard terminating that pregnancy was. If my IUD ever fails I think I might keep it. If we’re in a better place financially, I think I would like to give him the opportunity to be a dad. I love him so much.

New Confession

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf

Related Confessions

Better treat the good people good and not totally sh*t on them by turning everything around about yourself backwards to make them feel and look like the bad one and replace them with a partner you think is better. Especially one that that familiar with breaking the law and a gazillion felonies. Heck,your ” better” partner just may end up de*d then you are left alone with nobody to support your selfish needs. You then realize too late that you can never get back the partner that was good to you that you treated like trash.