5 years
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Neighbors are a brother and sister, elderly, living together for the financial concenience of it. She is widowed, he is gay. I learned he was gay by him chatting over the fence with me one day about nothing at all and him suddenly saying as if it was no big deal “you strike me as a natural born cocksucker.” I was stunned by that despite the fact that I had done it a couple of times years ago. I was silent and he smiled. Suggested we step to the furthest shared corner of our yards and when we get there he does a look around and opens his pants and pulls out his short fat c***. Looks at me while stroking it. Not a word. I could not take my eyes off it. Still not a word but he steps up to chain link fence and sticks it thru. I looked at him gaping and he just said go ahead you cant help it this is what you are. And I was on my knees sucking. He put his hand on my head gently and moaned and was shooting in my mouth. I choked and tried to pull away but he held my head and just told me to take it, to swallow. I did. He looked down at me smiling and told he to meet him there again in the morning. I could not stop myself. Soon I was sucking him off multiple times a week. Back yard my home theirs (when sister out). He did actually convince his sister to let me sleep with her regularly but not nearly as much as he has me sucking his c***.

New Confession

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf

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