I have always hated myself. How I look, how I sound, how I walk, basically, anything about me. I never really got praised for anything. I was constantly compared to others and I have never recovered from it. I feel that my worth is equillivant to what I can give/provide. I don’t know how to socialize, I’m slower to learning than others, and I’m not as mature. I have all these dreams but I don’t have the courage to go through with any of it. I absolutely hate looking in the mirror. I hate the way I look and subconsciously compare myself to everyone around me. I’m over weight but no matter what make up I put on, I can never see myself as someone more than ugly. No lie, I even starved myself for months to lose weight. It worked but I gained it back and I’m scared. I don’t want to lose the ability to have my own children but I have come to accept the reality that I screwed up. It weighs on me. I’ve tried ignoring it but it only makes it worse. There were times where I would cry almost every night because of the pain, loneliness, and guilt. Every time, I always saw myself as a screw up and question why I am here. I have tried to end it all but I was a coward. I couldn’t go through with it. Not the worst confessions out there but it’s only some of the demons that constantly haunt me everyday. It affects my choice to be alone or be with others. I’m scared of being abandoned by everything and losing my worth. Even if my worth is my money or the sacrifices I make. I don’t want to be alone but I’m scared to open up to others.