5 years
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I don’t enjoy writing anymore . I haven’t written anything of worth in months . nothing . I just feel unmotivated and tired .

Life and my dreams feel so blah. I can barely remember when I was last excited.

I feel like the spark has died. Im just existing .

My mental health is suffering pretty extreme depression, and excessive anxiety. I can’t seem to enjoy life . I can’t .

Part of me wants to go to sleep and never wake up .. Im just existing. Im sooo sad . I m losing my will to fight and survive .

I used 90 dollars from my food stamps today , Im really scared of going hungry . Im sooo ashamed and embarrassed Im even on food stamps . I feel like my life is so messed up.

Im 53 . I lost everything. Im in low income housing . I am existing on nothing . I just thought.. Life would be better.

I have a 6 year old car …I can barely afford the gas . Im really scared . I need to be able to go to the hospital and doctors. I have no one to fall back on .no kids. Im alone .

Im scaered. The future looks terrifying .

I feel sooo hopeless

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.