i think I’m depressed. I cant sleep, I get such low hours of sleep every day watching shows or listening to music. I cry so much but I also cannot cry.

4 years

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i think I’m depressed. I cant sleep, I get such low hours of sleep every day watching shows or listening to music. I cry so much but I also cannot cry. I’m scared of dying but I just wanna disappear and have no worries. My life is so good and I’m grateful for everything I have. I’m just going through a lot of nothing and I hate it. I think I’m bisexual with a preference of the same gender and it eats me out from the inside. It s**** because I’m only a 13 year old girl. I’m stressing about so many useless things when I still watch cartoons. I feel like my childhood is being killed by my lack of confidence and how much I want to maintain my image. my friend group has been a prime popular group in my school and the thought of people not viewing me as the “perfect grade and prodigy at art” girl is tearing me apart. Not to mention I’m applying at an elite art highschool next year in grade 9. If I don’t make it, that’s it. The only thing I can do and am partly proud of myself for will be gone. Without art I’m no one. I’m not suicidal, but sometimes I just wanna leave this earth. Maybe be abducted by aliens. I don’t wanna live.

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Last year I had se.x with my friends girlfriend. They broke up not long ago, but not because of that. He still doesn’t know what we did. I’m not going to lie, the first time we did it I lasted about 30 seconds before I eja.culated inside her. She’s just so fu.c.king beautiful, it was like my di.ck wanted to fill her with sp.erm before she had a chance to change her mind. After the first time I was able to go two more rounds and last much longer. I even made her c.um a couple of times. She spent the night in my bed and we had s.ex again in the morning. Yes, I feel fu.cking guilty about it, but I didn’t think their relationship would last anyway (I was right) and we just have a natural chemistry. I hope she doesn’t tell him out of spite. Believe it or not, I really like my friend and I want to stick with him. Thank you for giving me a chance to get this off my chest.