5 years
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I’ve been in a relationship since the past 9 months now. I really love this guy. I care alot for him. We have been there for each other during our worst days.. supported each other in everything. but recently everything seemed still. like everything has been falling apart. but its the case just with me and not with him. so, we decided to take a break. to distract myself and not falling in deeper, i decided to text one of my exes. i had no expectations from him that he’ll ever reply back, but unfortunately he did. fast forward, we ended up meeting at my place. everything was going fine until he started to take my sympathy. he told me how happy he was when i was in his life and all the b******* men say after they lose you and see you glow up. but, i am a very emotional person. i fell into that trap, and went closer to him. i hugged him while we were sitting on my couch and he wrapped his arms around me and i had my hands on his chest. it was so nice and warm especially in this chilly winters. i was having a good time until he decided to kiss my forhead. he kissed my forhead, my cheek and my hand. thats where i realised, no it wasnt a trap… these are his real feelings. thats how he actually feels. i argues alot, that we cant be together, and that it doesnt feel right. he was the one because of who we had to end our relationship. he kept on arguing and didnt give up. we ended up in my room. he went down on me.
i regret it so much. in my conscious mind, my boyfriend’s name was coming up despite of knowing the fact that it ISN’T him. since he left, i have been feeling very uneasy very bad. i dont wanna hurt my partner in any way possible even though we are on a break for now.
for some reason, i couldnt tell my ex that i have a boyfriend and that i love him. i am a bad person and i know i will get my karma. i trust nobody, got no friends so i came to confess here. i dont feel any right. if anyone reading this feels that they understand me or give me a solution, pleaaaase feel free to hit me up on instgram. @_akrit.i i would really appreciate it.

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