Today I tried to swallow a cucumber and a long hot dog to see how much p**** I could
fit in my mouth. Yesterday I discovered that p**** obsession is associated
with OCD and boy do I have it. Dream about them at night…go over every time
I had one in my mouth and how I felt. Gets me so excited I can hardly breath.
This I am afraid is the real me – a cocksucker.
I’ve tried for 37 years to kill this feeling but it doesn’t go away. Doesn’t
matter where it came from – I seem willing to put my life at risk to keep
it alive.
There was a time when I wanted to cut off my p**** and my balls because
it seemed that that would slow down the drive. I swear if I knew it would
do the trick I would seriously consider it.
Now there is this drive to be a bottom. To let other men use me as a receptacle
to make my bottom a place where they can push in their p**** and then ejactulate
inside me.
I dream of being humiliated, sperm shot off on my face…dripping. Being called
what I am…a man s***. I dream of being watched by a women while I
service a man.
One time I wore p****** and gave a b******* to a catholic priest in his bed.
Must have looked ridiculous.
Got picked up by a young man and gave a him a b******* in his car.
I had a Japanese man kiss me and I reciprocated and then let him take
me to his hotel room and do whatever he wanted to me.
Use to buy p****** and bra’s and makeup and prance around hotel rooms in
Hong Kong hoping an employee would see me and use me.
Went home with a man I didn’t know…let him into my house and he wanted
to top me. But for some reason I was too sore.
Called a telephone number I found in a s** shop and made arrangements to
meet a man in a parking lot. Found him and went down on him to his satisfaction.
Got picked up by a man driving a 442..went to his home and gave him the
b******* of his life. He had such a nice big p**** – I swallowed his sperm.
I think I gave a sailor a b******* behind a building in Japan right out
where anyone could have seen me.
I’m supposed to be a respectable person but I am not. I am a older man
who wishes he could be a t****.
When I was young I had a friend that when I slept over he use to slowly
slip his p**** between my buttocks. I loved it and never forgot it.
I got paid for my first b******* – 50 cents.
So I guess that makes me a queer prostitute.
These are my deepest secrets…only me an God know about these.