I was in love. I may still be but I’m trying not to be and that’s enough.

I was in love, and since that love I’ve only been attracted to one other person.

I wasn’t ready when I found him, but when I was ready (six to eight months later) he had a girlfriend.
So now I’m here looking at this flirtation with a taken man.

Things are “complicated” between them – have been for a while. Which deepens the temptation because I don’t want anything heavy (emotionally. I don’t want love I want courtship.).

But I can’t be that person. There’s been no physical contact and before I confronted him about having a girlfriend he was flirting with me – quite directly. When I addressed it he changed his tune.

It just makes me nervous because he’s the only one I’ve wanted – and it’s not like I don’t date. I’m just picky, or fussy, or hard to please. Something along those lines. Where my standards highly reap the availability of those interested in me.

It doesn’t makes it better.
I hate that this is happening.

But when he texts me I smile.

And then I don’t reply.