The first time I was offered a kiss it was just to have it. I was in elementary and said no. I don't think either of us knew what that meant but ever

5 years

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The first time I was offered a kiss it was just to have it. I was in elementary and said no. I don’t think either of us knew what that meant but
ever since then I felt emotionally blank and was never able to confess my love for someone else because I either think I’m not worthy but mainly because I’m unsure if I truly love these people or am experiencing love. I think I love these people but I have so many crushes and too many heavy feelings with them. You should love one person no? Maybe I’m desperate.
I’m not sure if I’m a weirdo because when i talk with them i believe I have genuine conbersations with them at a mature level but I’m unsure.
But i also feel like i don’t deserve the attention as I don’t put myself highly especially since im surrounded by talent and dedicated members.
My personality is flat and responsive. I never take the initiative. I also feel like i might have DID or any form of bipolarism.
I’m fat, quiet and have little friends outside the online scope.
I believe that theres a chance the other person may be treating me this way because of my loyalty as a friend and cannot comprehend that i may have feelings for them. Like as if i was just a brother.
With men I can entirely tell if someone enjoys being around me but with women its not obvious.

Except for this month. I genuinely felt like I was being interesting to someone else. But again it could be infatuation

New Confession

I was alone and feeling like I might want to shoot a load. Before I could my wife texted me she was out with Carol, a friend of hers that can annoy me, and they would be coming to our house in 30 minutes or so. I usually make drinks for all of us when we’re together. Before rubbing one out quickly I used a 9″ dilldough on myself which makes me ooze pre come like a leaky faucet. I let it all drip into what would be one Carol’s glass. A good amount too, maybe a kitchen tea spoon. I then worked my wood and ate my seed. When the girls got here I said “who wants a Margarita”… and served Carol’s glass to Carol and watched her drink it all x saying thanks that was perfect.

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