Dear Siren, I’m still mad I never got f*** your flexible nubile little 17 year old p**** before you developed eds. I’m even madder that fat f*** has wasted half of your 20s, so here’s the deal. I demand at least 5 years of your 20s. That means, if you dont break up with him by the end of summer 2023 and immediately f*** me, you won’t make it to your 26th birthday, and neither will he, or me. I will kill you brutally and painfully if you age anymore before I get to hit it.