so at the moment i am completely consumed with guilt because i have cheated on my boyfriend. i love him so much. when i was really drunk i kissed another guy and i don’t remember it really, i just remember realising what was happening and then i started to cry and ran away. i have also kissed this person once before when i was ‘seeing’ my friend. things weren’t official but i knew it was going somewhere. also just after i had met my boyfriend, i went to reading festival and slept with a friend’s friend there. i don’t know why i did it but i did. and i have regretted it ever since. i have also slept with someone else, last january. things with my boyfriend weren’t official but i knew it was going somewhere. the stupid thing is that i was waiting for an email from him at the time because i love hearing from him so much. i was just so so drunk, again. i cannot tell my boyfriend because i am so so so so scared he would break up with me. and the guilt that is inside of me is consuming me and projecting onto him – i keep thinking that he might cheat on me. and i know it is because i have done horrible things to him. he is so lovely and would never cheat. but i can’t stress enough how much i love him and everything i have done has been when i have been really drunk. and i know that’s not an excuse. my only thought is that i really wasnt myself when i was doing these things and as soon as i realised what i was doing i ran away. but i worry that what if we actually do end up getting married and i am still harboring these secrets.