Re: hold them back from what? being able to love someone they actually care about? that’s what you’re doing now isn’t it? stop your madness. if you don’t really want someone, you can’t just keep them to yourself. that’s incredibly selfish.
Don’t you use your logic on me. I am well aware that I am not rational and that my impulse control and noble intentions very rarely cooperate. This entire mess started because I couldn’t let you go gracefully even though I knew it was in your best interest. Ideal self vs actual self baby. My authentic self is 100% pathetic and weak from years of neglect, lack of discipline, and isolation. My authentic self is basically Gollum from Lord of the Rings. My ideal self is Han Solo or Orlando Bloom in pirates of the caribbean. Ideal self has always said to let you go, authentic self has always tried to grab on to you like I’m gollum and you’re the one ring of power. They fight alot because I have undiagnosed bipolar and borderline personality disorder on top of severe adhd and ocd. Do you understand how exhausting it is living in my head? I am always fighting myself 24/7. I am literally two or three different souls in one body. Thats why I keep trying to piss you off so bad you walk away and don’t look back, I know I’m not strong enough to walk away.